it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
