I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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