i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
