You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
