I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
