He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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