I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
