I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
