everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
