If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
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Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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