wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
