Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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