Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
