I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
