my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
