Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I will die if light touches me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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