Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
