i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
