I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
