I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
