I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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