I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
