I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
