Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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