I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
