I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
