First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
