I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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