Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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