bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
