Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
