Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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