Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
