So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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