he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
