you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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