a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm like, not good at living.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
