I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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