she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
