I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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