Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
