One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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