I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
