You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
