they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
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It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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