Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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