were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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