I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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