My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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