Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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