i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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