Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
