She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
