I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
