GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
