Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
