Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize