Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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