I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
