So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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