absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im about as happy as oj after his trial
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
