I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
