can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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