Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
