dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
